The Cliche – Every man doesn’t like commitment. I hate to admit it but most of my guy friends are the same.
If you are reading this, chances are, you’ve met guys who fall into this category. We ask ourselves why this happens and how to get him to commit to a relationship. Is it possible?
In this article, I’ll show you how to make him say “Yes” by triggering a basic male instinct that will be hard to ignore.
He Hates Commitment
The reason he doesn’t commit is simply not because he’s lazy or afraid. Sure there are some cases like this but there are more to that.
Let’s just say you’ve been seeing each other a while. You guys really like each other. Both of you have invested a significant amount of time into this like going on dates, perhaps travel around, have sex, and yet he still avoids the relationship topic.
Whenever you try to take it to the next step, he just doesn’t seem to care. Sure he might say he wants but his action says otherwise.
His inability to commit is simply his innate need to be a hero.
What Is This Hero Thing?
The very instinct that drives a man to be MAN. It is deeply rooted in man’s DNA. Something they can’t control or even be aware of.
This “Hero Instinct” is the reason that drove to test themselves against dangerous animals, to war, climb mountains and basically accomplish anything they set their heart on. It makes them feel alive.
Check out this article of His Strangest Desires
Their achievements, pride, to feel worthy, and to conquer obstacle is what defines men.
Think of this as their job to fulfill, like their destiny.
Are you seeing the picture now? Don’t worry if it’s still blurry, I’ll help you understand better.
Here’s What You Need To Know
To make a man commit, you need to find a way to open him up and connect. It is definitely not easy as men are not wired to be as emotional as females.
Something about allowing him to pursue his heroic mission cuts lowers his barrier and make him vulnerable.
When they feel vulnerable, that’s exactly the best way to hook him.
Draw him to you by engaging him in acts of heroism.
Here are 3 examples of heroic act:
- Achieving something
- Protecting someone
- Earning someone’s respect
If a man can do two or more of these things at the same time, all the better.
The Heroic Journey
But it’s not just individual acts of “heroism” that motivate men. Every man also has a sort of “heroic journey” that he goes on.
While the act of heroism motivates men, every man has a heroic journey that he goes through.
The journey has 3 distinct stages:
The Prince – Usually related to career. Trying to achieve something. Very goal oriented.
The Knight – To save the girl from her situation and protect her. A knight rescuing a princess.
The King – To build a kingdom, cement his place and provide for the family. At this stage, he’s usually ready for a relationship.
How do these connect? Every man feels the need to achieve something first to prove their worthiness to society before settling down to find a partner.
These aren’t just theories as I have personally encountered guys like these. And they are guys who are really close to me.
These acts are driven unconsciously. He wants to make sure he can meet his girl’s expectation, being able to provide and take care of her.
While this is one key aspect of a being hero, the journey to be ready, he has to win too.
As you might know, guys care about winning more than most girls do.
The Video Game Analogy
An example is when they play video games. They battle their way through to defeat the big boss to save the day. Or even competing with another player to be the best. The rush of pleasure and excitement make them feel alive.
In some video games, one would also receive a small reward for passing through each level. And as they progress each level, it gets a little harder.
Whenever they accomplish each level’s difficulty, they crave more of this achievements.
But here’s a flipside to this desire. If they don’t see a way to win at something, he will definitely avoid it.
Imagine he has all the cheat code from the beginning, all he does is brushing through stages with ease.
It feels so easy that it lacks the motivation to actually play. Sure it might sound amazing at the start but it gets boring really quickly.
From a relationship point of view, if he doesn’t feel like a “winner, he won’t be playing”. In other words, “not ready”.
What You Can Do to Make Him Commit
Honestly, if women have to wait for men to fully satisfy their Heroic Instinct, I am pretty sure no one’s going to get married anytime soon.
I am not saying every guy is like that but in most cases.
Here’s how you can help him win fast.
You have to be a part of his story, the heroic journey. Not just any part – the climatic arc where it excites him most!
Help him win your relationship. I am not asking you to say Yes to his every request though. It takes two to make a relationship work.
As a matter of fact, do your best to help him win and he will work harder to meet your needs.
Your job is to:
- Create opportunities to so he can meet your needs.
- After meeting these needs, you have to show appreciation for his effort. And by appreciation, I mean things that matter to him.
In essence, you’re just showering him with positive reinforcements (rewards) when he works in a way (levels) that makes you happy.
One Thing To Avoid
Here’s the thing you should avoid – don’t expect to vent your anger and then thank him for listening to your problem. It doesn’t work like that. It’s not like he works for anything, there’s no sense of accomplishment.
He doesn’t see the point of just listening and he will just turn it into, “here’s an answer to your problem”.
At his point, most girls would go.. “urghh, he just doesn’t get me sometimes, I feel so alone”. I am sure this has happened to you or your friends before. And it’s not the exact answer you want to hear from him.
For real, men are not your girlfriends. Don’t expect them to bitch about something with you.
You can’t blame him for trying to “win” at your problems. They’re just wired differently. They thought by helping you solve a problem they can win your heart. They just want to prove their worth and feel useful.
That my dear is a huge mistake that girls make. Using the video game reference, if he’s not winning, he will not be invested and avoid at all cost.
In the end, he just wants to make you feel happy. Don’t just shut him down.
What Makes Him Feel Like a Winner
You want to get him to help you with things that feel noteworthy to a man, especially physical problems or problems with real solutions no matter how small it may seem. You want to trigger that manliness in him, just enough to make him believe that he’s helping you.
Example of problems he can solve:
- Opening a tight jar
- Driving you to the airport
- Helping you change your car tire
- Getting rid of the cockroaches in your house
- Offering an opinion on topics where he is good at.
This cliche, really simple task, makes a difference. The only thing you should care about is that a problem needs to be solved in his way.
On top of that, how you respond in that situation really changes everything. Show him your appreciation because it makes him feel good that he helped you. A simple thing can make men happy. Don’t try to overcomplicate things.
When he’s happy, he knows his purpose and he will continuously do it.
In short, just present a problem with a concrete solution and ask him for help, then followed by thanking him for his effort.
Rinse and repeat. That’s the formula.
Sounds easy right?
Taking A Step Further
Pretend that every time when you’re with him, you’re entering the next stage. Face the challenges together and acknowledge his hard work for kicking the bad guy’s ass.
It is just one variation of many more real-life problems you can ask your guy to solve.
In addition, don’t just help him win, but make yourself part of his heroic journey. Be the main character in the story.
You just have given him a reason to continue playing this game. When you make him happy, he will make you happy.
After all, he really loves you.
A little wake-up call, if you thought this is everything you ever need to win a guys heart, then you’re mistaken.
Of course, this is just one of the ways to do it. There are many other methods that can help you deepen the bond, really open his heart and fully connect with him.
We are just scratching the surface here.
My Heroic Story
Not too long ago, I was in a similar situation with my guy. We broke up and I actually got him back after 2 months. I am sure everyone wants to know how to get their ex back.
The best part? He had no feelings for me at that point and I turn the tables around to make him fall for me again. It was like the beginning again, where he was literally obsessed and in love with me.
This was all possible because of this e-book called His Secret Obsession by James Bauer. It helped me tremendously with my past relationships. The book also contains easy to follow guide that you can apply right away to see massive results.
It will thoroughly cover everything you ever need to know about understanding men’s psychology, how to work it in your favor, and practical tips and techniques you can use to make ANY men fall in love with you.
A very powerful and highly recommended book by thousands of readers. James, a relationship expert, has been coaching countless men and women for over a decade.
If this interest you, and you want to build a more passionate and loving relationship, I would like to invite you to read my full article on it.
In that article, I give my honest review and you WILL see how it changed my relationship in 7 days. Yes, in just 7 days I went from crying all night to making him come back to me.
I hope this was useful for you. Building a relationship is to understand each other on a deeper level. It takes two hands to tango.
Remember, every problem has a solution. I hope things work out well for you ( if you are facing any issues ).
See you in the next article.