The Cliche – Every man doesn’t like commitment. I hate to admit it but most of my guy friends are the same. If you are reading this, chances are, you’ve met guys who fall into this category. We ask ourselves why this happens and how to get him to commit to a relationship.
“I’ve been dating this guy for about a year now. We’re really happy together and I think we should get married soon. But he just won’t commit. What am I doing wrong?” We ask ourselves why this happens and how to make a man commit. Is it possible?
There are many reasons why you fail to get him to commit. We always think that guys is at fault, but in this case, there are tons of mistakes women make too. In this article, I’ll show you how to make him say “Yes” and convince him that you are the right person by triggering a basic male instinct that will be hard to ignore.
He Hates Commitment
The reason men don’t commit to relationships is simply not because he’s lazy or afraid. Sure there are some cases like this but there are more to that. Commitment requires patience, understanding, and a lot of love.
Let’s just say you’ve been seeing each other for a while. You guys really like each other. Both of you have invested a significant amount of time into this like going on dates, perhaps traveling around, having sex, and yet he still avoids the relationship topic. Trying to ask a guy to commit is nerve-wracking like heck!
Whenever you try to take it to the next step, he just doesn’t seem to care. Sure he might say he wants but his action says otherwise. Or what if, you are already in a relationship with him, but you just want him to take the next step and commit to building a future together?
Either way, the answer lies in 1 simple thing. His inability to commit is simply his innate need to be a hero. Before I get to it, let’s look at 15 proven ways you can do to get him to commit to a relationship.
1) Demonstrate Your Worthiness
Women often wonder how to get a man to commit when they are young and beautiful. The truth is, women are not the only ones who can’t help but wonder- men wonder as well! Men don’t like commitment at first because they have a lot of things to prove before committing. So demonstrate your worthiness by doing all these things:-
Be financially sound
Be sexually satisfying (goes both ways)
Be sure of yourself
Be polite and respectful in all your interactions
Do not be afraid to share your vulnerabilities with him
2) Be Present In Your Relationship
A lot of times men are hesitant to commit because they’re afraid of being hurt. You need to understand that it’s not always easy for him because he has his own insecurities as well. In order to make him commit, you need to show that you’re willing and able to take care of him and his needs. By being present, you are able to observe him and understand what he needs. This will show that you’re not going anywhere and that he doesn’t have to worry about being left behind.
2) Show Him You Appreciate Him
Every moment with your guy should be a special moment for you both. When you tell him how much he means to you, how much it would mean for your life if he was committed to you, it shows him that you’re willing to go the extra mile for him. Appreciation can be in a form of words or gestures. Everything little thing you do can make a man feel special. This will only strengthen your relationship, thus making him want to commit further.
3) Do One Thing That Makes Him Go Crazy
This can be anything from cooking his favorite meal, surprising him with gifts or looking sexy for him in lingerie. No matter the way you do it, the point is to make it a special moment just for them by doing something they love and enjoy. Even holding the gaze for a few seconds during a conversation does wonder for developing intimacy It’s simple, but it does wonder for developing intimacy during a conversation. You have no idea how much it drives him with that eyes staring into him.
4) Be Patient And Be There For Them
Sometimes it takes time for them to process their feelings and make a decision. All it takes is having someone there for them when they need it. Be patient, but also be persistent and don’t take no for an answer. However, you don’t always have to be at the forefront of your actions, but be active and supportive instead of passive and uninvolved.
You aren’t going anywhere just because he needs more time or space. With patience and understanding, you can make a man commit to you and your relationship.
5) Find Fun Things To Do To Create The Right Atmosphere
You want to keep that spark alive in that relationship. It can get stale after a few years because you’re both too comfortable with each other. This can mean plenty of different things, but being romantic is usually the easiest way. Find fun things to do when both of you have off days. Do something that shows them you want to do something special, like a cooking class or showing up at their work and surprising them.
6) Be Someone They Love To Talk To
What made both of you attracted to each other in the first place? Was there a reason why he fell for you? I am sure he really enjoyed your company and talking to you, which is why he stuck around. Being able to talk about difficult things with you can help ease the burden on both of you.
This can be a great way to find out more about their personality and to show that you are listening. Get interested in what they do and find ways to insert yourself to show that you care about what they’re interested in. If it’s something he’s passionate about, he would be so excited to share with you everything.
7) Speak Up About Your Feelings And Thoughts
Communication is one major factor in why most relationships fail. If you’re feeling a little unsure of how to approach someone, consider sharing your thoughts with someone who you feel can speak up for you. When in doubt, ask for help from him. Keeping things bottled up inside of you will only create problems when things go sideways. Check on each other often to understand what both of you are going through.
8) Don’t Make Him Jealous All The Time
So..you think jealously get a man to commit? Intentionally making him feel jealous is not healthy at all. This doesn’t mean that they aren’t mature, or capable of dating and being in relationships, but that they may not be that good at hiding their emotions and handling the situation. It would only start a huge fight especially when a man feels threatened. If you play the jealous game, don’t be surprised when he does it back to you. One thing for sure is men do NOT like games.
9) Be Someone They Can Trust
Showing someone that they can trust you is a big plus, especially at the beginning of dating. When you’re together make sure that there are no secrets or things that could jeopardize your relationship. It’s no secret that the core foundation of a strong relationship is built on trust. Lose the trust, your entire relationship crumbles down. Trust is something earned over time and not given overnight. Make sure whatever you do, do not let him down.
10) Allow Him To Have His Freedom
There are many reasons why men want to have their freedom in a relationship. Some of them are:
– They feel like they’re being controlled by their partner and they need to be in control of their own life.
– They feel like they’re not being respected by their partner and they need to be respected.
– They don’t want to be tied down by their partner, financially or emotionally.
– They don’t want to lose themselves because of the relationship, so they keep some distance from the person that he’s dating.
If he wants to go hang out with his friends, don’t stop him from doing so. He will only grow to resent you when he starts feeling trapped in this relationship. Not only does he feel this way, but people around him would also blame you for it too.
11) Keep Up With Your Priorities
If you and your partner are not on the same page about what’s most important to you, it might be difficult for you to cope. Work with your partner to see where they think priorities should lie and work toward a compromise.
12) Avoiding Conflict In Relationships
Conflict is pretty much unavoidable in any relationship. If your relationship is in the beginning stages, avoid conflict or disagreement as best as possible. You’ll have time for in-depth conversations later once things have gotten heavier and deeper. Nothing’s worse than arguing constantly in a new relationship, because it is easier to break up as the foundation is not set yet. It’s definitely difficult to commit long-term in this scenario.
Ideally, talk about things that are easy to agree on, so that you can build up trust. Keep the conversations going as much as possible when in a relationship with someone new. Be open-minded and ask questions about what they’re interested in. Encourage them to talk about their interests, too.
13) Be Part of The Pack ( His Friends)
People like to be a part of a group. And that’s why it is important for us to be part of our boyfriend’s group of friends. It gives us validation and acceptance. Sure, his group of buddies may not be the kind of people who you would hang out with, but do your best to get to know them.
Every time your boyfriend hangs out with his friends it makes him feel like he’s not missing anything. His friends are usually the ones who drive, take care of him and defend him from the ladies. It may be scary at first but try to get over your insecurities and become a part of his group of friends. It means a lot to him when you show effort. Your boyfriend will love you for it!
14) Create Some Space
When you are in a relationship, there is always a need for space. Don’t you want to just have alone time and catch up with your favorite series undisturbed? It is not healthy to be with your partner 24/7. It leads to boredom, and it can lead to resentment as well.
Create some space in your relationship by doing the following:
– Spend time with friends and family
– Spend time alone, even if it feels uncomfortable
– Do things that make you happy without your partner
Overall, don’t be too clingy. As you allow space between the two of you, he’d naturally start thinking of you. Let him miss you and come to you.
15) Make Him Realize He Needs You
You should not just let him be. You need to take the initiative and make him realize that he needs you in his life. There are many ways to make him realize that he needs you in his life. One of them is to show your love and care for him. You can do this by being there for him when he needs you, giving him a hug when he is sad, or showing up at his door when he has had a rough day at work. In every way, show him how much you love him and how you can take care of him.
Men don’t get their emotional needs to tend to often. They feel like there’s no need because it isn’t manly. No matter how they can only keep inside for so long. One of the best things you can do is allow him to be vulnerable with you. That means opening up about his feelings, worries or sadness with you. Once this condition is met, he will realize how much you mean to him and he’s more likely to commit. This is what it means to be in a committed relationship.
How Long Does It Take A Man To Commit To A Relationship?
It’s no secret that men (for the most part) are more cautious when it comes to commitment. However, there’s no set time limit on when a man will commit to a relationship. Commitment is different for every individual, and some men may take longer than others before they’re ready to settle down. You just have to do your part and create the right condition for him to feel like you are the one he wants to settle with. Let’s get back to this hero thing we mentioned earlier and how it plays a big part in triggering a man to want to commit.
What Is This Hero Thing?
The very instinct that drives a man to be MAN. It is deeply rooted in man’s DNA. Something they can’t control or even be aware of.
This “Hero Instinct” is the reason that drove them to test themselves against dangerous animals, to war, climb mountains and basically accomplish anything they set their heart on. It makes them feel alive.
Check out this article of His Strangest Desires
Their achievements, pride, feeling worthy, and conquering obstacle is what defines men. Think of this as their job to fulfill, like their destiny.
Are you seeing the picture now? Don’t worry if it’s still blurry, I’ll help you understand better.
Here’s What You Need To Know About Men
To make a man commit, you need to find a way to open him up and connect. It is definitely not easy as men are not wired to be as emotional as females. Having serious relationships can be the last thing on his mind.
Something about allowing him to pursue his heroic mission cuts lowers his barrier and makes him vulnerable.
When they feel vulnerable, that’s exactly the best way to hook them.
Draw him to you by engaging him in acts of heroism.
Here are 3 examples of heroic acts:
- Achieving something
- Protecting someone
- Earning someone’s respect
If a man can do two or more of these things at the same time, all the better.
The Heroic Journey
But it’s not just individual acts of “heroism” that motivate men. Every man also has a sort of “heroic journey” that he goes on.
While the act of heroism motivates men, every man has a heroic journey that he goes through.
The journey has 3 distinct stages:
The Prince – Usually related to career. Trying to achieve something. Very goal oriented.
The Knight – To save the girl from her situation and protect her. A knight rescuing a princess.
The King – To build a kingdom, cement his place and provide for the family. At this stage, he’s usually ready for a relationship.
How do these connect? Every man feels the need to achieve something first to prove their worth to society before settling down to find a partner. In other words, to commit is to fight for something worthy.
These aren’t just theories as I have personally encountered guys like these. And they are guys who are really close to me.
These acts are driven unconsciously. He wants to make sure he can meet his girl’s expectations, being able to provide and take care of her.
While this is one key aspect of a being hero, the journey to be ready, he has to win too.
As you might know, guys care about winning more than most girls do.
The Video Game Analogy
An example is when they play video games. They battle their way through to defeat the big boss to save the day. Or even competing with another player to be the best. The rush of pleasure and excitement makes them feel alive.
In some video games, one would also receive a small reward for passing through each level. And as they progress to each level, it gets a little harder.
Whenever they accomplish each level’s difficulty, they crave more of these achievements.
But here’s a flipside to this desire. If they don’t see a way to win at something, he will definitely avoid it.
Imagine he has all the cheat code from the beginning, all he does is brush through stages with ease.
It feels so easy that it lacks the motivation to actually play. Sure it might sound amazing at the start but it gets boring really quickly.
From a relationship point of view, if he doesn’t feel like a “winner, he won’t be playing”. In other words, “not ready”.
What You Can Do to Get A Man Commit
Honestly, if women have to wait for men to fully satisfy their Heroic Instinct, I am pretty sure no one’s going to get married anytime soon.
I am not saying every guy is like that but in most cases.
Here’s how you can help him win fast.
You have to be a part of his story, the heroic journey. Not just any part – the climatic arc where it excites him most!
Help him win your relationship. I am not asking you to say Yes to his every request though. It takes two to make a relationship work.
As a matter of fact, do your best to help him win and he will work harder to meet your needs.
Your job is to:
- Create opportunities so he can meet your needs.
- After meeting these needs, you have to show appreciation for his effort. And by appreciation, I mean things that matter to him.
In essence, you’re just showering him with positive reinforcements (rewards) when he works in a way (levels) that makes you happy.
One Thing To Avoid
Here’s the thing you should avoid – don’t expect to vent your anger and then thank him for listening to your problem. It doesn’t work like that. It’s not like he works for anything, there’s no sense of accomplishment.
He doesn’t see the point of just listening and he will just turn it into, “here’s an answer to your problem”.
At his point, most girls would go.. “urghh, he just doesn’t get me sometimes, I feel so alone”. I am sure this has happened to you or your friends before. And it’s not the exact answer you want to hear from him.
For real, men are not your girlfriends. Don’t expect them to bitch about something with you.
You can’t blame him for trying to “win” at your problems. They’re just wired differently. They thought by helping you solve a problem they can win your heart. They just want to prove their worth and feel useful.
That my dear is a huge mistake that girls make. Using the video game reference, if he’s not winning, he will not be invested and avoided at all costs.
In the end, he just wants to make you feel happy. Don’t just shut him down.
What Makes Man Feel Special – A Winner
You want to get him to help you with things that feel noteworthy to a man, especially physical problems or problems with real solutions no matter how small it may seem. You want to trigger that manliness in him, just enough to make him believe that he’s helping you.
Examples of problems he can solve:
- Opening a tight jar
- Driving you to the airport
- Helping you change your car tire
- Getting rid of the cockroaches in your house
- Offering an opinion on topics where he is good at.
This cliche, really simple task, makes a difference. The only thing you should care about is that a problem needs to be solved in his way.
On top of that, how you respond in that situation really changes everything. Show him your appreciation because it makes him feel good that he helped you. A simple thing can make men happy. Don’t try to overcomplicate things.
When he’s happy, he knows his purpose and he will continuously do it.
In short, just present a problem with a concrete solution and ask him for help, then followed by thanking him for his effort.
Rinse and repeat. That’s the formula.
Sounds easy right?
Taking A Step Further
Pretend that every time when you’re with him, you’re entering the next stage. Face the challenges together and acknowledge his hard work for kicking the bad guy’s ass.
It is just one variation of many more real-life problems you can ask your guy to solve.
In addition, don’t just help him win, but make yourself part of his heroic journey. Be the main character in the story.
You just have to give him a reason to continue playing this game. When you make him happy, he will make you happy. This is all part of being in a relationship.
After all, he really loves you.
A little wake-up call, if you thought this is everything you ever need to win a guy’s heart, then you’re mistaken.
Of course, this is just one of the ways to do it. There are many other methods that can help you deepen the bond, really open his heart, and fully connect with him.
We are just scratching the surface here. All this work help bond your relationship.
My Heroic Story – From Zero To Commit
Not too long ago, I was in a similar situation with my man. We broke up and I actually got him back after 2 months. I am sure everyone wants to know how to get their ex back.
The best part? He had no feelings for me at that point and I turn the tables around to make him fall for me again. It was like the beginning again, where he was literally obsessed and in love with me.
This was all possible because of this e-book called His Secret Obsession by James Bauer. It helped me tremendously with my past relationships. The book also contains easy to follow guide that you can apply right away to see massive results.
It will thoroughly cover everything you ever need to know about understanding men’s psychology, how to work it in your favor, and practical tips and techniques you can use to make ANY men fall in love with you.
A very powerful and highly recommended book by thousands of readers. James, a relationship expert, has been coaching countless men and women for over a decade.
If this interest you, and you want to build a more passionate and loving relationship, I would like to invite you to read my full article on it.
In that article, I give my honest review and you WILL see how it changed my relationship in 7 days. Yes, in just 7 days I went from crying all night to making him come back to me.
Conclusion: How To Make A Guy Commit
Getting him to commit may feel like a tall task. You feel conflicted about verbally asking him if he’s dating to commit or not. In all honesty, don’t rush into it just thinking you’re late in the game. The more you push him, the less likely is he to commit. Building a relationship is understanding each other on a deeper level. You are not single anymore. It takes two hands to tango.
Remember, every problem in relationships has a solution. I hope things work out well for you ( if you are facing any issues ). I hope this was useful for you to get into a committed relationship. See you in the next article.